Biphobic “anti-bullying expert” responds to my email, denies the content of her article

This all started with this article, which someone referred to BiNet USA’s Facebook group.

The article is by a so-called “anti-bullying expert” who wrote a “book about teaching empathy to children” named Stacey Lundgren. She wrote an entire article about the “creeping indecisiveness infecting society,” dovetailing into an ignorant attack on bisexuals, which begins with “But how did the ‘B’ worm it’s way into LGT?”

It’s quite a read, and it’s not very long. I would highly recommend saving this because, if nothing else, it is a great thing to show your friends who think biphobia is not a problem.

The article’s comments section has since blown up and so has twitter.

I sent this woman an email to her website’s email address where I said the following:

Subject: A bisexual who “wormed it’s way” into your inbox

Dear Ms. Lundgren,

You seem to be an otherwise genuinely nice and good person who made some clumsy remarks about the bisexual identity.

I would highly recommend that you please offer a complete, public, and unqualified apology as soon as possible.

If you don’t, I guarantee you will become a very common, public joke of the bisexual community for all time.

I don’t want that to happen; you don’t want that to happen.

So please, apologize as soon as possible.

Thank you for your time, and take care. I wish you luck with all you attempt to achieve in your life.

Now I want to be clear: she knew something was up. Even if she doesn’t check twitter, other people wrote emails to her personal website. She knew something was up.

Pretty soon after that, I received a reply:

Thank you for your email.  If I become a joke, so be it.  Please understand, and read the article again if that would help, that I did NOT say bisexuals are wrong, bad, or indecisive.  I said because bisexuals are attracted to people of both sexes, they have a choice.  You can choose live in a heterosexual or homosexual relationships.  Gays, Lesbians and Transexuals do not have that choice.  This is true, so there is no need for me to apologize for the truth.

What I do apologize for is if my words made you uncomfortable in any way.  It was certainly not my intention.

The acronym LGBT has been used in political and religious discussions in defending the rights of LGBT’s, and I agree all human beings should be given equal rights.  However, I have never heard that bisexuals need to to have their rights defended because they are discriminated against unless they choose to be in a homosexual relationship.  For that reason, they might be discriminated against which is wrong.  I said nothing mean or discriminatory about bisexual people, nor do I believe they should be joked about.

I have respect and compassion for all human beings.  Also, it’s a fact that there is no way to make everyone happy in what I write; there is always someone who will choose to be offended and go on the defense.  What is there to defend?

Stacey A. Lundgren

In some ways, this reply is pretty uninteresting. She just doubles down on her biphobia and gives a common “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings, but I absolutely said nothing wrong” non-apology apology.

But, she also does something kind of funny here. She says, “read the article again if that would help … I did NOT say bisexuals are … indecisive.”

So the article is entitled, “Creeping Indecisiveness Infecting Society: Make a Decision Already!” and features a story of a friend of hers who could not choose a lunch in order to dovetail into an attack on the idea that “B” should be a part of “LGT.”

When she says, “I did NOT say bisexuals are … indecisive,” it reminds me of a satirical letter I wrote about antisemites, explicitly, and about other oppressive writers, implicitly. The point of the letter was that the fictional antisemite danced around the idea of a new Holocaust without actually saying it. A Jewish writer accuses him of calling for a new Holocaust. But when the Jewish writer makes the implicit explicit, the antisemite attacks by saying that he never said he wanted to kill all the Jews.

In the same way, Ms. Lundgren says she did not call bisexuals “indecisive” when that seemed to be the whole point of the article. She really should not be surprised if people attack her for calling us “indecisive,” a common slur against bisexuals.

But this is the part that gets me. I didn’t even accuse her of calling us “indecisive” in my original letter. She came up with that on her own!

There are, of course, other things very, very wrong with her letter, but honestly I have nothing else to say about it. I’ll send it to the wind in case anyone else has anything they want to say.


3 thoughts on “Biphobic “anti-bullying expert” responds to my email, denies the content of her article

  1. Thanks for calling her out. I love the idea that we have a choice about who we fall in love with: Well, I would fall in love with you but I think I’ll fall in love with a man instead so I can ‘pass’. I’m sure that’s how it works…


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